The Week
in Review

11.13.09.

After a prolonged break, we're starting back up with a string of typically absurd Los Angeles stories. Most unfortunately, it's time to rethink your allegiance to the Spider Man, as Peter Parker--or some much less intriguing imposter--was arrested and charged with battery on Hollywood Blvd this week. Suspiciously, Mike Tyson is facing similar allegations after the ex-heavyweight champion was also on the attack at LAX. Coincidence? We think not.

But hey, don't think you can trust regular Joes, either. Not these days, anyway, especially after the arrest of a Riverside local who decided it was a good idea to parade around in stolen military garb. Not such a big deal? Federal authorities would beg to differ. In fact, those Navy Crosses and Purple Hearts attached to his breast pocket might just land him in jail... for a year.

Yep, we're telling you, you can't trust anyone these days. Police even nabbed a real life conman this week. I mean, really, could you make this stuff up? The alleged crook seems to have proven that all you need in order to pull off large-scale heists is a suit, a clipboard, and some confidence. Before his arrest, the conman had stolen $10,000s of dollars from salsa bands, Israeli basketball teams, Mexican soccer teams, and even the detectives themselves. Quite the coup, indeed.

Not all of our ragtag richies are so bad, however. Even David Beckham is starting to get some love. Who would have known that all it took was a little bit of effort from the man who has thus far been paid $250 million to sit courtside at Laker games? Our love for celebrities, of course, seems admittedly less hilarious after reports surfaced that Mr. Jackson's funeral (the smaller one) cost an absurd amount of money ($1 million). Gah!

Still, you have to feel worried when Kareem Abdul-Jabbar drops the news that he has a rare, albeit treatable form of leukemia. Though he remains one of the city's most under appreciated athletes, Kareem's understated manner does at least make him one of the its most loved.

So it's with Kareem in mind that we express our concern over the news that blacks in Los Angeles are not getting those free H1N1 shots at quite the same rate as the larger Los Angeles community. Although blacks do make up nine per cent of the L.A. population, they have thus far received only 2.5 per cent of the vaccinations thus far. Of course, reasons abound--as you can imagine.

Ex-Police Chief Bratton has just left the building, but people are already dissecting the reasons why crime decreased over the course of his Los Angeles tenure. And sure, smart policing played a role, but these other factors. An aging population? An influx of criminally-averse illegal immigrants? Whatever the reason, one thing's certain: criminals continue to hate prison. Many hate it so much, in fact, that inmates are beginning to prefer the death penalty to a lifetime in county jail.

Speaking of criminalization, it's worth wondering whether the all-out legalization of marijuana might reduce use among teens. Joel Stein of Newsweek Magazine certainly thinks it could. And we have to admit that buying some pot does seems easier for a 14 year-old, these days, than obtaining liquor.

Of course, you might remember that the reason pot legalization is making so much headway is because, well, California has no money! Unfortunately, that $700 billion in federal stimulus money isn't really helping either. Why? The city's decentralized approach to federal bills is making managing grants utterly impossible! Even San Diego has received more money than Los Angeles, and we're the second biggest city in the country!

Anyway, Californians don't really need a bar graph to understand things aren't going well. A string of polls conducted by USC and the L.A. Times has indicated, sadly, that most Californians believe the state's best years have already come and gone. With a 53% increase in applications for the Cal State University system this year, you'd have to think that many administrators and soon-to-be rejected students must agree.

So, could the imposition of a "Millionaire's Tax" increase state-level revenue and save the state? Some think the tax could have the wealthy heading for income tax have, otherwise known as Nevada. Personally, we'd guess that our richie neighbors enjoy the beach a tad too much, but, hey, a mass exodus of dystopic proportions? We wouldn't be surprised. Not these days, anyway.

This image was taken by flickr user erjkprunczyk. It was used under the Creative Commons license.