Which is easier - buying shoes or finding True Love online?
In a previous post I wrote about buying a Handbag online, about selecting exactly what you want, and how online dating is the same process, only a bit more personal.
There is a risk when you buy shoes online; I am a size EU 36 up to a US 6.5, some brands size smaller, some larger, so there is a possibility that when you get the shoes, they won't fit. For anything new, I like the old fashioned "Foot in the Shoe" way of buying shoes. I love looking at shoes. My shoe ritual is to walk up and down the aisles until one pair catches my eye, I will then try them on, look in the mirror and decide then and there whether to buy them.
Dating online is like buying a shoe online, you take your chances that it will be a good "fit", and if not you return the shoes and perhaps try again. Offline in the real world there is "Free Range Dating" you can see the person, converse with them and see if there is a "fit" right away. What you see is what you get. In a social setting we use our instincts to meet people, we know right away if someone has a personality that will clash with ours. If there is a mutual attraction, then it works itself out in a process we have used from the time we were dragging our knuckles and leaving our spoor on rocks and trees.
An example of how online dating can bring you into contact with people you would instinctively avoid in real life is the following email reply sent to a good friend of mine. She's smart, attractive and a breast cancer survivor and an optimist. Her last foray into online dating brought this cringe inducing message from a gentleman that she at first was interesting enough to contact:
Dear _____,
Thank you for your nice email and interest to chat. I am always open to talking.
I must confess that I am really more of a conventional type, who was a single dad for 17 years, and I have learned an aweful lot from "life" and the social interactions of this country....and I have no doubt that I will learn a great deal more before I leave this place, so to speak.
You seem like a VERY nice lady and you'll find me to be very honest and direct.
I have some concerns with your "position" in life. Although I was never a conformist growing up, as it sounds like you were too. It sounds like you never established roots with anyone or made a committment with anyone in that you've never married or had children. It sounds like you were a party girl most of your life, and that's ok..there seems to be a lot of former party girls(single, never married, no kids but all career) now out in the dating market finally ready to settle down. It wouldn't be a bad idea for you to know and possibly entertain the thought, that MOST men, especially decent guys, that think with the heads on their shoulders, instead of their little heads, avoid a 40 + "never married, no children"..like the black plague.
Unfortunately, experience has shown that these kind of folks are usually the ones that always want to be and have been the center of attention...are substantially self centered, quite selfish, and they're never satisfied with anyone or anything except themselves. They usually go through life absent any REAL significance regarding committed relationships, and usually end up in their 40's + reflecting on their empty past now alone.
If you are an exception to the rule and the "standard personality "MO"", then I take my hat off to you with my sincerest congratulations...however, I'm not convinced that I could make any difference in your life, your standards or your lifestyle. It's never my intent to be offensive...just factual, and this is what you and so many of the never married no kids are up against. You have your unconditional love with your dogs....why be bothered with a human being?
I SINCERELY wish you the VERY VERY best.......but we don't match.
Whoa, that message brings on a total body shiver. He's the type that is waiting for the future of low cost robots.
Buying a shoe online is betting on the chance that it fits, and if it doesn't you return it; and when you date online, you are the "shoe". Somewhere out there is a perfect fit for you, either online or offline; they may not be your Cinderella or Prince Charming, but who is? Just keep trying on those shoes, there's a pair out there that will fit you perfectly.
Image: Ophelia Chong / My Shoe
There is a risk when you buy shoes online; I am a size EU 36 up to a US 6.5, some brands size smaller, some larger, so there is a possibility that when you get the shoes, they won't fit. For anything new, I like the old fashioned "Foot in the Shoe" way of buying shoes. I love looking at shoes. My shoe ritual is to walk up and down the aisles until one pair catches my eye, I will then try them on, look in the mirror and decide then and there whether to buy them.
Dating online is like buying a shoe online, you take your chances that it will be a good "fit", and if not you return the shoes and perhaps try again. Offline in the real world there is "Free Range Dating" you can see the person, converse with them and see if there is a "fit" right away. What you see is what you get. In a social setting we use our instincts to meet people, we know right away if someone has a personality that will clash with ours. If there is a mutual attraction, then it works itself out in a process we have used from the time we were dragging our knuckles and leaving our spoor on rocks and trees.
An example of how online dating can bring you into contact with people you would instinctively avoid in real life is the following email reply sent to a good friend of mine. She's smart, attractive and a breast cancer survivor and an optimist. Her last foray into online dating brought this cringe inducing message from a gentleman that she at first was interesting enough to contact:
Dear _____,
Thank you for your nice email and interest to chat. I am always open to talking.
I must confess that I am really more of a conventional type, who was a single dad for 17 years, and I have learned an aweful lot from "life" and the social interactions of this country....and I have no doubt that I will learn a great deal more before I leave this place, so to speak.
You seem like a VERY nice lady and you'll find me to be very honest and direct.
I have some concerns with your "position" in life. Although I was never a conformist growing up, as it sounds like you were too. It sounds like you never established roots with anyone or made a committment with anyone in that you've never married or had children. It sounds like you were a party girl most of your life, and that's ok..there seems to be a lot of former party girls(single, never married, no kids but all career) now out in the dating market finally ready to settle down. It wouldn't be a bad idea for you to know and possibly entertain the thought, that MOST men, especially decent guys, that think with the heads on their shoulders, instead of their little heads, avoid a 40 + "never married, no children"..like the black plague.
Unfortunately, experience has shown that these kind of folks are usually the ones that always want to be and have been the center of attention...are substantially self centered, quite selfish, and they're never satisfied with anyone or anything except themselves. They usually go through life absent any REAL significance regarding committed relationships, and usually end up in their 40's + reflecting on their empty past now alone.
If you are an exception to the rule and the "standard personality "MO"", then I take my hat off to you with my sincerest congratulations...however, I'm not convinced that I could make any difference in your life, your standards or your lifestyle. It's never my intent to be offensive...just factual, and this is what you and so many of the never married no kids are up against. You have your unconditional love with your dogs....why be bothered with a human being?
I SINCERELY wish you the VERY VERY best.......but we don't match.
Whoa, that message brings on a total body shiver. He's the type that is waiting for the future of low cost robots.
Buying a shoe online is betting on the chance that it fits, and if it doesn't you return it; and when you date online, you are the "shoe". Somewhere out there is a perfect fit for you, either online or offline; they may not be your Cinderella or Prince Charming, but who is? Just keep trying on those shoes, there's a pair out there that will fit you perfectly.
Image: Ophelia Chong / My Shoe
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my GAWD!
That was the scariest letter I have ever read from the online dating dirge. I cringed and contorted into a pretzel, wondering when it would stop.
Other than that, I am speechless.
Dear Tracy,
Speechless is right. Amazing how that man put so much of his hatred of women into an email. Thanks for visiting! :O) ophelia
That letter is horrifying, gut wrenching, nausiating, and completely incorrect on so many levels. As much as I would like to rebut it and the writer, I feel there is no hope in doing so to that much of a closed-off and pre-judging audience.
I will continue to have hope that there is someone out there in the dating world that's in the same boat that I am--- would love to share a great life and just haven't met the right person yet (for no selfish reasons).
--- but that hope is getting harder to conjur the more stories I hear like this
Wow, that was scary. No wonder he's been a single Dad for 17 years. Obviously the participant of many failed relationships. What he wants he can't have, any woman in their right mind.
Who knows? Middle age does things to people. And I met my wife online. She contacted me first, wrote that I had a nice smile. I read her profile and she was So Not My Type. But to be nice I thanked her. She was dedicated to her task and stayed in touch. And she had learned the hard way that the vis-a-vis meeting was the only thing that counted. Emails and phone stuff could be misleading. I had misgivings meeting her at all... but whatever. We met. We learned that each of us had several of each other's "unacceptables" but nothing horrible happened and she even invited me to the party she was headed to that evening. Odd but Enjoyable evening. And The Worst Goodnight/First Kiss Of My Life. Weeks passed, no contact with her. Other gals, all yucky dates and then she called me. We shared recent war stories and agreed to take a break by going out with each other. Based on our first date, we knew we could expect a low impact, pleasant time with each other. Something to do, right? Big Mistake. We met and had dinner. I discovered some things about her, her huge heart and capacity to love. And Cupid drew back his bow and slammed one into me so hard I got angry. Not surprisingly our 3+ years together have been rough. Then, like 2 or 3 months ago when we got desperate... we changed... into one. Maybe Cupid and God actually know what they are doing. I want more of this awesome relationship!
Dear Jim,
You and your wife are gems. Your story made me smile and my heart lighten knowing that you and your wife are working away at the relationship. Thank you so much for visiting and commenting, I love your story. :O) Ophelia
Dear Ada,
Brilliant comment. The one who got away from him 17 years ago was in her right mind. I always believe that everyone has something to love, even this guy, but that person will have to have a million times more love to give than what he has.
Thanks for visiting and commenting, :O) Ophelia
Hope is something that hangs around, no matter what. Whether we find that "one" or not, is not the question, but when we find ourselves. What we want people to love, we have to love first.
Thanks for commenting and visiting and yes you have a lot to love mr. sk ( i know that for a fact)
:O) ophelia
Guys like these ruins it for the the rest of us normal dudes.
Dear Danh,
Guys like you make up for guys like that dude. A million times over. :O)
Thanks for visiting, :O) ophelia
Wow!!!?? This old shoe has no laces and a big hole in the SOUL! Poor kid, it is going to grow up to be a plain slip on.
Well, sometimes justice is served in this world. The creepy guy who wrote that email has had his profile taken down by match.com.
Yep, I'm the lucky gal who received it. At least he is prevented from spreading his poison in one area of online dating.
Doesn't Ophelia rock!!!!
I used to work at an online dating site (long story) and that guy's note falls under the category of "air quote and ALL CAPS abuser." Anybody who airquotes more than 2 english words for no reason in a single letter has got to go. This dude did "life" VERY "position" "never married, no children" REAL
"standard personality "MO""
She was lucky!
Hi "Gary"
ever since Sen. McCain used air quotes to describe President Elect Obama as "that one", I have been trying to ban them. And would love to hear about your time at the dating site. heh.
:O) thanks for visiting and commenting Gary,
"ophelia" "heh heh"
Dear Luis,
You and your analogies. :O) I like to see myself as a comfy Danish Clog. Long lasting, good for your posture, comfortable and reasonable. There are times I feel like a fuzzy slipper and on the rare occasion I am a High Heel,but only occasionally.
Thanks for visiting and leaving your always insightful and funny comments., :O) Ophelia
Dearest Anita,
You are keeping the digital and real world safe for all of us. You are most amazing. :O) Ophelia
hi ophelia
great article, as always. wow, your poor friend. to say 'i don't want to date you and, ps, i think you should know that no one else does, either'!
so an online service will ban someone just for basically being a jerk? i mean, that's good, bc his letter obviously had a lot to do with lashing out at someone who had hurt him in the past, it wasn't really rational.
yes, and too many air quotes.